Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Neoreporting: The New Journalistic Frontier

Three ambulances, four fire trucks, a handful of squad cars, and dozens of Chicago's finest: creating a bottleneck on Belmont and trapping scores of passengers on the 77, 151, and 156 bus routes, emergency response teams are tending to the many elderly residents in the Bel Harbour Condominims. These residents have been without power for upwards of twelve hours, and counting, due to last night's harrowing storm. Many live in relative luxury above the twentieth floor, but without an operating elevator, most are stranded without air conditioning and face rising temperatures. They are unable to take the stairs, which in addition to being steep, hot, and stagnant, are currently pitch black. Our team of neocorrespondents are are the scene now. We hope to have a quantitative analysis of the grid failures soon. UPDATE: Once again, the Tribune is a step behind, and, not surprisingly, they focus on Lincoln Park residents; no doubt there were many others throughout the city. Very paleo.

Mayhem at 420 W. Belmont

Uploaded by www.cellspin.net

Monday, August 04, 2008

Another Industry Hindered by Its Reliance on Paleoconsulting

Uploaded by www.cellspin.net

Posted on 04 Aug 2008 at 15:13 UTC

The airline industry needs neoconsulting. Our latest research has revealed a 38% drop in traveler productivity, and the decrease bears an inverse geometric relationship to the per-barrel price of light sweet crude oil in inflation adjusted terms (£). Long story short, demand pressures have not been able to outstrip fuel-price-driven cost overruns in any of the major international carriers, leaving domestic bargain airlines to fall behind in all significant benchmarks. Price, services, and most notably on time performance have suffered drastically. Regional effects have been most severe in the great lakes region. Chicago has been hit the hardest. Our local affiliates will be agressively pursuing solutions but the time horizons may be eclipsed by general market upturns. UPDATE: The Tribune subsequently picked up on related research (see comment).

Sunday, January 13, 2008


A classic underground eXtreme neoconsulting video. Keep in mind that this production preceded the YouTube boom by several years and that the cameras used were relatively primitive even for their time. True neoconsulters make do with what they have. The team spent several grueling hours on site shooting this one of a kind footage . . . and went on to spend many long days in the editing studio. A remake was intended, but, unfortunately, what's left of the original data does not appear to be compatible with current software packages. Stay tuned.

Friday, September 30, 2005

Update: DC Office up and Running!

Our network continues to grow. With offices already in Prague, Dubai, and New York, we are currently expanding our neoconsulting network to Washington, DC. Our top priorities for the region are grassroots mobilization, aggressive lobbying, and comprehensive litigation. For maps and satellite images of the new office, see: http://maps.google.com/maps?q=1200+G+St+NW,+Washington,+DC.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Looking for Immigration and Employment Neoconsulting

An overseas colleague from our Karachi office, Amer Ahmed, has encountered a snag at the Bureau of Citizenship and Immigration Services. We are currently searching for a dynamic solution to this static situation. Legal remedies are all but exhausted; forgeries and sneakery may be ill-advised at this juncture. One of our subsidiaries has invested massive capital in an italian import-export business, as well as in some smaller electronics side-projects, most notably involving an emerging Thai producer, known as Insignia. Unfortunately, this latest snag has put our credit line in jeopardy. We welcome all bids, on a non-binding, interest-free, contingency basis.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Research Offers New Opportunities in Bio-neoconsulting

Constantly pushing the boundaries -- this is what neoconsulting is all about. Simply put, Sarah E. Umetsu has discovered the next frontier; the abstract speaks for itself:

We have examined the function of TIM-1, encoded by a gene identified as an 'atopy susceptibility gene' (Havcr1 *), and demonstrate here that TIM-1 is a molecule that costimulates T cell activation. TIM-1 was expressed on CD4+ T cells after activation and its expression was sustained preferentially in T helper type 2 (TH2) but not TH1 cells. In vitro stimulation of CD4+ T cells with a TIM-1-specific monoclonal antibody and T cell receptor ligation enhanced T cell proliferation; in TH2 cells, such costimulation greatly enhanced synthesis of interleukin 4 but not interferon-. In vivo, the use of antibody to TIM-1 plus antigen substantially increased production of both interleukin 4 and interferon- in unpolarized T cells, prevented the development of respiratory tolerance, and increased pulmonary inflammation. Our studies suggest that immunotherapies that regulate TIM-1 function may downmodulate allergic inflammatory diseases.


Sunday, May 01, 2005

Neoconsulting Extraordinaire

Greg Page has been in the business for years. His talent is available to VIPs only. After building one of the most elite and powerful client lists in the industry, he is now on sabbatical, providing his services to another VIP: The United States of America. While we are honored to provide his clients with our services in his absence, we hope that he returns (perhaps bringing a new perspective with his advanced intelligence training).